When you plan for holiday entertaining in your home, be kind to yourself.  You may have to adapt your home, menu, schedule and family traditions in order to make a comfortable environment for your grandchild with autism.  Think about how you can meet your family’s needs and set realistic expectations.  Establish new traditions, forgive yourself if the holiday is not “perfect,” stick to your routine and be consistent.  Afterwards, no one will remember what was on the table. They will remember who was at the table and how much they enjoyed being together.

• Prepare children with visual social stories ahead of time to help them anticipate the holiday activities.  Write the schedule of activities so the child is aware of the sequence of events.  Use drawings or cut out pictures for smaller children to help them understand what to expect.     Discuss the schedule many times before the event.

• Reduce the child’s anxieties about being with unfamiliar relatives by sharing photographs on display in your home or videos of the people and homes where the holidays will be celebrated before the events.

• Consider attaching a camera to your computer and to out-of-town relatives’ computers so children can utilize the Internet (SKYPE)  to develop relationships with family members who live long distances away

• If possible, plan to attend smaller parties that are easier for children.  Do not overstay, it may cause problems for the child and others. You may want to drive in two cars so that one parent can leave early if the child is distressed.  Put the needs of the child first. 

• Bring a favorite quiet toy like a calculator or stuffed animal for the child.  Headphones or earplugs may also be helpful to moderate noise and activity levels around the child. 

• Teach your child not to touch things.  Ask the party host to remove breakables from reach.

• Visit stores, Santa or holiday displays at times when they are not crowded.  Consider enjoying Santa or the sites as a “drive by” experience first because that can be less threatening than actually going there.  If possible, gradually increase the time you spend shopping together until the child becomes comfortable with the routine and environment.  Be sure to give small rewards for good behavior like staying close to you. 

• Introduce holiday foods months or weeks before during snack times.  Watch cooking shows and prepare some of the special recipes together.  If eating habits or special diets are a concern, eat before leaving home or bring special foods with you.

• Share "your strategy" with the family  so they can be part of the support group.  Plan family activities such as cookie decorating, Bingo, singing, sidewalk chalk play, bubbles, games or other activities where everyone, young and old, may participate together. 

• Plan an alternative activity or a quiet place for the child who may seek respite time.

• Reward children who are especially inclusive of the child with autism.

Call ahead to restaurants to place orders for food if you anticipate a long or difficult wait for meals to be served. This is also helpful if your grandchildren’s diets require substitutions or modifications.

If your grandchild is not the same sex as you, plan ahead to be near facilities with family style restrooms. This may avoid embarrassment for everyone.

If your grandchild only wishes to go to one place repetitively, try taking him there first for a few minutes. He may be more receptive about visiting other places after that.

When planning outings, always have an alternative plan of action in case the first plan is not possible.

If you are dreading dining with family in upscale restaurants, reconsider and go to restaurants that do not require long waits or structured table behavior. Everyone will enjoy the experience more.

Ask grandchildren what they would like for birthday or other gifts ahead of time. Sometimes surprises are not well received.

At large family gatherings, alert other family members that your grandchild may require extra help or vigilance. They can help to provide a safer environment for everyone.

If you will be separated from your grandchildren for awhile, put your picture on the calendar dates when you will be reunited. The child can then anticipate when you will be together again.

Post photographs or pictures of local places to visit or shop on the refrigerator or on a piece of paper and ask grandchildren to choose where they would like to go. Prepare a day schedule using the pictures in sequential order so children can anticipate the timelines for activities.

Prepare children for new experiences or family celebrations well in advance, by frequently describing the details of the upcoming event. It will relieve anxieties and the children will know what behavior is appropriate for the occasion. You may wish to give your grandchildren cameras and request that they take pictures at the event.

Teach life skills and have fun working together. Many children enjoy doing simple kitchen tasks and helping to prepare meals. Empty the dishwasher, peel boiled eggs, clean raw vegetables, bake muffins or squeeze oranges for healthy snacks.

When grandchildren visit, designate a special area for them in which they can play with their favorite toys or work with their crafts. Mark the area with a sign, picture or symbol they will recognize and return to on future visits. Use the same signage technique to indicate where they should hang up their clothing, sit at the table for meals, etc.

If grandparents are uneasy about taking responsibility for their grandchildren with autism in public places, they can offer to be responsible for their typical grandchildren. This enables the chilld's parents to focus all of their attention on the grandchild with special needs.

When out in public with a grandchild who may behave unconventionally, you may find it helpful to wear a hat, t-shirt, button or other article that indicates you support an autism cause. This may help to eliminate critical comments from others who misinterpret the behavior and feel you can control the child's conduct.